Internal struggles…

 

These past two weeks have been quite profound for me. It is rather difficult to be conscious and aware of one’s internal struggles and the ego that so defines what we all would like to deem as our reality. I have so many times caught myself thinking about who I really am, what I truly stand for, represent and what it is REALLY that am purposed to do on this earth. I do not want to be just another woman born and passed through the earth. I want to make a difference, one life at a time. So as I was saying, what takes the center stage is the constant internal struggle between who I think I am and what I exude on the outside. I keep wondering to myself about this whole duality concept. There surely is need to strike a healthy balance!

 

Socialization

Generally speaking about oneself is not part of the Shona culture. It is a sign of narcissism and what can be deemed a very high form of arrogance. Fast-forward a couple of decades later, after some insight on self-marketing and branding, it is critical to exude some sort of self-marketing for various reasons I won’t share now or maybe ever, hahaha!!! Now what concerns me is that thin line between whatever I deem self-marketing and shear arrogance. It is that deep-seated notion that I it is ok to share about me so others get a somewhat better understand of what am all about. Or maybe, it is about rediscovering who I am in this journey of life as I make sense of the world around me that I am an intricate part of. Socialization ceases to make sense for me then because it seems it gave me a farce of some sort so I disconnect myself from what the reality may truly be or even represent. It is a constant fight therefore between my headspace and my heart space. Am I schizophrenic then? No I am not, I am walking a journey that is about redefining, relearning and definitely understanding myself closer, better and even embracing self-compassion as a means of my reality. Far from my socialization but am so totally loving it

 

Finding a balance

Now I tread through this life with a renewed sense of self-compassion. Sometimes when I hear myself screaming for what I could be, could have been or focusing on how much I need to be much better. I take a moment and breath so that I am conscious of my growth, development and sense of being present. It is not an easy road, finding myself amid all that jungle of thoughts but one thing for sure is that I need to spend much more time in my heart than my head so that I can feel. Feel who I am, what I represent and what I am experiencing. I need to slow down, let go and just let God work the universe for my advantage. It is, am learning, about growing towards finding a balance between what I define as my reality from socialization and what things might really be depending on the very many realities of one single situation. As I explore the head and heart space, I am slowly learning that the internal battle if handled with compassion towards the self, can be an effective and efficient road to personal growth and development. And how this will benefit those around me as they watch me grow towards my highest potential will always remain a mystery but something fulfilling. It is not an easy road but I am discovering it is worth treading for the results are profound in transforming me into the phenomenal woman I am born to be. So here is to constant internal battles and the many victories that you and me will achieve in this life. Walk with me…

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