I have been on a very uncomfortable journey in the last two weeks. My coach told me I needed to feel more (huh, I thought I did that all the time?????). So I decided I would spend more time in my heart space than I would normally spend in my headspace. Oh my, it has been a very tough space to explore. I have learnt a number of things as I painfully trod this road. Things I had never noticed before yet they existed. Feelings I never knew could be so overwhelming and yet I have to stay put and explore the full circle. In that light, I felt it would be noble to share two aspects of my journey with you, exploring my headspace and my heart space.
In my head exist a world that I love because it has to do with me and thinking what I want to feel, hear, do and all sorts. It is all about problem solving, strategizing, comfort thinking and ensuring that things make sense for me and buttress me from the many realities I live as a growing leader at many levels. My headspace is where I spend most of my time planning, scrutinizing, reflecting and the worst -hearing my inner critic make a mess of me. Actually it is the paralyzing effects of this my inner critic that made me so desperately want to explore what it is like to spend more time in my heart space. It is much easier to think but even more fun to feel I am growing to learn. Using that left logical side of my brain is commendable but that right more feeling and creative space is proving exciting. Recently we made a HUGE investment as a family and as quickly as we had done the investment I was back in my head planning for the next steps. My husband on the other hand was excited and reliving moments over and over again, exploring, explaining and enjoying the HUGE success. On the other hand I was already twenty steps and did not dwell much on what had happened. It was only after we had a conversation about it that I realized I needed to celebrate more and just sit with what had happened and not rush forward and be logical about it. That even inspired my heart space journey even more and as I am learning to put my inner critic in check – it is good to be logical but even better when that logic interacts with emotion. Excellent combination!
My heart space
The heart space has to do with feelings. It is about stepping out of my comfort zone and embracing not just my many lived realities but also exploring those of others so we co-exist well. It is about getting to know what I feel, why and how I should explore it, using what level of force and so on. It is about discovering that it is ok to cry watching a puppy advert and yet not judge myself about being weepy (and this has nothing to do with hormones). It is also fine to be angry and yet emerge a winner because no one was screamed at or crushed during the emotion roller coaster. Even where there are casualties, there is always room to grow and not be hard on Grace because this life is a journey. It is about loving like I have never been hurt, dancing like it’s the very last song, giggling like a little girl and laughing out so loud I want to pee. Such is life with emotions being explored. It is about hurt, compassion, joy, sorrow and even inventing new words for emotions. It is never an easy journey but it’s worth every moment. In the past week, a colleague of mine went through a very difficult time losing her aunt, her mother falling sick and she just cracked under the pressure. It was quite an insightful journey being there with her, experiencing her grief, pain, joys and everything that comes with such trauma in life. It also helped me realize that yes I can actually decided to stop and feel. Spend time in my heart space and explore what I face without fear because it when i go through the full motion of feelings that, as Alicia shared, I emerge stronger and my heart trusting that no matter what i go through, i am able to take care of me and live life like it is the last day. I have started this heart space journey and will continue on it with the many waves and currents that exist. Am loving it and hope this will inspire you. Lets raise our hearts to feeling!